I'm utterly depressed now... Not sure if I'm turning into a hyper-Calvinist or not but who cares... Jesus is LORD and I'm trying to be biblical... The following will be a few reasons of why I'm depressed at this moment...
1. There's a place that I should be but I can't go... I need to be edified and must edify my brothers and sisters but I can't... More importantly, my dear brother will be marrying my sister(FYI, this is not an incest relationship, it's just brother and sister in Christ) And guess what, I can't be there, instead I have to attend my relative's open house... It just doesn't feel right... If I were to go out on Sundays, there's only 1 place that I will definitely go to...
2. My perspective on life has changed... In the dinner that I just attended, I feel so weird and alienated... Because it just kills me to know that a high possibility that most of the crowd there are going to hell(don't mean to judge though, but yeah)... And I just don't know how to communicate with them anymore... I think I've lost that worldly conversation touch(hope not)...
3. The necessity for the dinner just now was to let us see the new house that my cousin bought... It costs RM 2.2 million!!! The house is big but I just feel that it's too cramped because they make use of most of the spaces... But that's not the point, the point is how I wish that all that money can be channeled to CERC!!! argh... Just so sad... In addition, it doesn't matter how wealthy you are and how much 'make-up' you use to beautify your life... In the end, you can never deny the fact that you have rebelled against God and He has revealed himself through Jesus and you have rejected all these for a wasted life... I'd rather live on tightrope with a Godly wife and a few cute, adorable and Godly children and still surrender myself to Jesus than to waste my life in beautifying something that will be exposed on Judgment Day...
On a side note, what do you think the word L-O-V-E means??? Is it merely a display of affection towards someone or something i.e. i love you, i love that shirt... Or is there something bigger??? Think that I'm just being Christian??? Well, even the phrase 'Jesus loves you' means nothing at this era, take that!!! So then, what is love??? These four letters has been abused in a super twisted way that it just doesn't much anymore... Anyone can say to you that he/she loves you, but you will never know their sincerity, motives and their interpretation of love...
For me, I really cannot understand that word now... The biblical love is where God sends His own Son, the Man Jesus Christ to be crucified for people that so not deserve it to the point where all they have is judgment on them... This is where the complicated stuffs come in, why did He send His own Son to die for us??? Because of His love is the answer, but then I cannot comprehend it... Simply because its just too big even for a man with a minimal level of sinfulness to understand it more over for an evil man like me... It's because we're so sinful that we often blind ourselves of seeing the truth and then we make ourselves follies... This love or whatever you want to call it is just too big, so awesome and such an amazing grace that I can't use my very own words to describe it even though I can feel it... I shall categorize this under IWoG(Infinite Wisdom of God)...
This whole love question struck me just now when I was lining up for a bowl of ais kacang in the dinner... The queue was pretty long and the man was drilling and making ais kacang non-stop... But guess what, I never hear a word of appreciation for that poor man... So what you would say, we paid him to work, we're just getting what we deserve... But do you really think you deserve to be served instead of serving someone???
LORD, please have mercy on these people that they may come to know You someday... And thank you for your LOVE of saving foolish and sinful people who just can't comprehend this great thing that you gave us...
No comments:
Post a Comment